He's Gone for Good, juz like Her

I remember the first time I lost my precious friend. She's my classmate during junior high school. We'd been in the same class for 3 whole years. She's a nice girl. She'd always be. She's kind. She's smart. She's diligent. Always sitting in the middle front row, rite in front of the blackboard. Bringing her lunch box and snacks from home and shared it with us, every single day. She never ever raise her voice. I'd never seen her angry or sad. Sometimes, I saw her blushing, when we teased her about the teacher she liked...

Fresh in my memory, we didn't have any graduation ceremony. In 2007 a big earthquake shook my hometown, Jogja. It destroyed us. And I wasn't there with them. I was in Magelang, choosing my own path, while she chose her's, and others chose theirs. Then we got separated. Walking on our own way, while bearing in our heart, that she is my friend, and I am her's. Forever and ever.

It was in 2008, she left me behind for eternity. She juz turned 17 and we were in our second year of high school. Had been a long time since I heard news from her. I thought it'd only been for 2 weeks or so when I knew that she's suffering from cancer. But when I was planning to pay her a visit, she's already gone. I am so sorry. Even up until now, I still regret it. I really do..

It was so sad. I can picture it clearly in my mind. All of us came to her house, met with her parents and brother. Seeing her in the white cloth. She was so pale, yet peaceful. We all cried. We all prayed. I didn't want to say good bye coz I know that we'll meet again, someday, in the next world. And I know that she's heading first before me for good. Allah knows the best for her. I believe in HIM. I will always be...

And then, two days ago, on 19th of August 2011,  I lost another precious friend of mine. He died in motorcycle accident. A mad car crushed on him. It was special, he got his calling on Friday night in Ramadhan month. He's not only my friend, he's like my brother. We were from the same senior high school. We had the same roll number, 27, and bcoz of that, I knew him as my brother.

I remember, in the first year, we gathered in our class corridor, met for the first time, introduced ourself to each other. There were 4 girls, and 5 boys, including him. It was awkward, but fun in the same time. I was delighted to suddenly had several people who'd be my sisters and brothers. People who cared for me, who's looking for each other and supporting each other.

I know that I am not that close to him. We rarely spoke to each other. But does he still remember? The first snack that I gave to him with a little note on it said: UNTUK SEMUA SAUDARA ABSEN 27, SEMANGAT ULANGAN HARIAN 1! And another snacks with a small note following after that? Always rite before the exam, with the same sentence written on the notes. To support each other, expecting and hoping the best for each other. Does he know? The joy that I felt each time I prepared the notes? The pray within each words? Does he know? The happiness that I felt each time when one of our brother or sister got a great achievement? Does he know? How proud we are of him?

When I came to Melbourne, I only heard from the others, all the achievement that he's got. I was happy for him. I truly was. When he got accepted at UI. When he got chosen to be humas ikastara. When he got a girlfriend. One thing that I'll always regret, I didn't come to karimun jawa together with him and everyone else last holiday. I didn't get the chance to having fun with him for the last time. I even didn't have the chance to see him to say farewell. I couldn't come to his funeral...

I know that both of them, she and he, were gone for good. All that I can do now is praying for them. Doing my best and live my life to the fullest. We'll meet again someday, my friends. I won't do anything that bring embarrassment. And I'll always keep our memory together in my heart. I will never ever forget about you, Ifa and Inyong.

Best luck, for all of us. 

Can't I?

When I can't be with the one I love,

Will I stay with the one who loves me?

Selintas Warna yang Lain #4

CHAPTER 4: THE SWEETEST THING 1


Selintas Warna yang Lain #1
Selintas Warna yang Lain #2
Selintas Warna yang Lain #3

Malam ini, aku melihat gadis termenung di meja belajarnya. Seperti biasa, dia fokus menatap layar laptopnya. Tak hanya diam dan berpikir, Gadis membelalakkan matanya. Bulat seperti telur, jernih seperti kelereng. Memekik perlahan, Gadis mengatupkan tangan di atas bibir mungilnya. Kemudian, merekahlah sesungging senyuman. Gadis pun mendorong laptopnya mundur dan meraih sebuah buku kumal dari laci meja. Hening sejenak, sebelum akhirnya Gadis menorehkan tinta hitamnya...

Melbourne, 8 Agustus 2011

Kaget. Itulah kesan pertamaku saat membaca postingan-postingan di blognya beberapa hari yang lalu. Kemudian, terharu. Sedikit terbesit rasa malu ketika aku menyadari betapa senangnya diriku, betapa penuhnya hatiku, karena rasa sayang. Meluap-meluap. Hampir tak tertahankan. Sungguh luar biasa. 

Dia adalah sahabatku, salah satu sahabat baikku sejak SMP. Dulu, aku selalu menjadi tempatnya bercerita dan berkeluh kesah. Dulu, aku selalu memberikan nasihat ketus, dingin dan sok tau. Kini, pada dialah aku menumpahkan semua masalahku, semua lika-liku cerita dalam hidupku. Tanpa banyak bicara, dia mendengarkanku dengan sabar dan cermat. Mengajukan satu dua pertanyaan, tidak pernah sekalipun menggurui, ataupun menghakimi. Pernyataan-pernyataannya tidak menyentil, tapi malah semakin memantapkan pemahamanku. Mengagetkan. Benar-benar mengagetkan.

Seingatku, dia adalah seorang yang amat kekanakan dan naive. Tak pernah sedikitpun terbesit dalam benaknya hal-hal yang buruk. Putih dan polos. Belum menyadari realita kehidupan hingga kadang terasa menjengkelkan. Tapi itulah dia, sahabatku sejak SMP. Teman sebangkuku, persis di depan meja guru..

Saat SMA, kami terpisah jauh. Dua provinsi yang berbeda. Minim pertemuan dan minim komunikasi. Tapi kami bisa bertahan. Berbagai macam cara pun dilakukan. Kulayangkan sepucuk surat berperangko padanya. Dan kembalilah padaku berpuluh pucuk surat balasan. Jarak dan waktu tak pernah menjadi hambatan. Tiga tahun berkirim surat. Aku pun mulai menyadari ada sesuatu yang berubah. Sahabat kecilku sedang berkembang. Tutur katanya, pola pikirnya, perilakunya. Sahabatku menjadi lebih matang. Aku melihat, bunga cantik itu mulai mekar  perlahan. 

Sejujurnya, aku merasa sedikit kecewa, sedih, marah, dan juga iri. Aku kecewa ketika dia demikian berubah saat aku tak ada di sampingnya. Sedih, karena aku tak dapat menyaksikan dan menemaninya menjalani semua perubahan itu. Marah, karena aku tidak berperan dan terlibat langsung dalam perubahan itu. Iri, karena perubahan besarnya membuatku tersadar bahwa hampir tak ada yang berubah dari diriku di masa lalu hingga masa kini. Saat dia benar-benar bertransformasi dari ulat menjadi kupu-kupu nan anggun, aku tetaplah sama. Kepik yang tak pernah  menjadi pupa. Nimfa yang langsung membesar dewasa seiring dengan berlalunya waktu. Sungguh sangat menyesakkan. 

Namun dari dalam lubuk hatiku, aku benar-benar senang. Sekaligus bangga. Bersyukur atas kemajuannya, berterima kasih atas perubahannya. Aku yakin hal ini masih akan terus berlanjut ke arah yang lebih baik. Aku berdoa, agar perubahanmu ini dapat menginspirasi lebih banyak orang, menyentuh lebih banyak kehidupan sebagaimana keinginanmu untuk menjadi seorang psikolog yang baik. Yang aku tau, kisah kita masih akan terus terjalin dan tertaut. Seperti katamu, kita akan menjadi tua bersama, terus berbagi tawa dan air mata. 

Aku sangat bersyukur telah mengenalmu. Aku merasa beruntung karena kau telah menyentuh dan masuk dalam hidupku. Aku amat senang memilikimu sebagai sahabatku. Monkey D. Luffi bilang, teman tak perlu berterima kasih. Karena untuk itulah mereka ada. Tapi tetap saja aku akan mengucapkannya:

Terima kasih karena kau telah menyayangiku,

FARA.