August in Memory..

I remember.. almost all about you. What you and I had been through last year, two years ago, three years ago, on AUGUST.

My very first tears, three years ago, on August, when I was terrifying to know what happened to you. Worrying  you so much till I couldn't eat or even think. You knew it, so you simply didn't tell. I was the last one to know that they should cut open your stomach on operation table.

Two years ago, on August, My second tears, was when I found out that I LOST the doll that you gave for my 17th birthday. The first present from you, for me. And the last one of all. I panicked. Cried all night long. I blamed myself. Even I haven't told you about it till now. I just simply can't. I can't forgive myself after losing it. I had this premonition. The signal, that I would never be able to save our relationship...  Still clear on my mind about the day, a week after losing my doll, I tried to talk to you carefully, insisted to meet outside the school and talked about it all over again. Then you gave me that look. The one which never fails to make me burst in tears, again and again.. The worst day on  my life, on August  24th, when you bluntly said NO to me. Without good argument, no strong reasons whatsoever. Yet, it kept echoing in my head. 

"NO NO NO.. WE NO LONGER 

AS LOVERS."

 And it made me crying all time for almost 3 weeks. And  still crying occasionally even after august had been replaced by September... December.. January.. February.. March.. April.. May.. June.. July...

A year ago, on the very same August, my third and last tears for you, when I was here, all alone in Melbourne. I felt fcuking lonely and miserable. No one was here for me, no one knew what I felt. I wiped and whined alone. I wished you were still mine. I hoped I could see you again. I terribly prayed that we could go back as we were before. Though I knew, it would be lasted just as a wish, I yearned and dreamed of you... I planed and planed.. What would I say when I came back and saw you again.. how would I explain my feeling for you all this time.. What should I wear.. Where should I ask you out to meet... so on and so on... But deep inside, I always knew that it wouldn't happen. And it will never ever be happened....

This Year, on August.. Finally, I came up with a smile. Not a big one, but enough to cover the bitter memory. I have been moving forward bit by bit after almost two years of pain. I didn't say I will wipe off all the bitter memory because I know it will stain on my heart no matter what. It took me 1,5 years before I'm able to open my heart for other men.. Learning to love and be loved again.. To be honest with my feeling.. To be more communicative with the one I care the most.. To share my mind.. To tell them what I want.. To be more carefree and relax.. without any mask on my face.... I juz only hope I love the right man now.. The one who can teach me about how to live my life to the fullest, who always be on my back, supports all my decision.. without any unnecessary pains like before..

Today is 31th August, the last day of the month, the birthday of one of men to whom I was madly in love before, I say THANK YOU from deep inside my heart. Thanks because you had come to my life, gave it colours and more taste. Thank you for teaching me how wonderfully painful  a love might be. Thanks for letting me know how far someone can love and be loved by others.. Thank you for giving me enough time to remembering you. Thank you, that I ever had you in my life. In these past three years, I always have you in my mind. But now, it is the right time to say good bye. I wish the only best always come for you now, and in the future! Once more, for the last time,

THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME 

LOVED YOU. 

Finally I would say: 

GOOD BYE, THE  ONE AND 

MY ONLY TIGER!

Note: Makasih bngdd buat sohib2 tercintaku yg udah bsedia dengerin semua keluh kesah membosankan yg tiada akhirnya selama 3 tahun ini. finally guys, i can get over it! makasiiih bngdd supportnya yaa! luph u all.. terutama anggota KARTINI yg mnyaksikan gmn parahnya aku pas tahun terakhir itu. thx for bringing back my smile! hahahaha