Something in the past, present, n future

I will hav a picnic tomorrow,with 'arsenal guy'
I admit that I was the one who came up with this idea.
It's surely suprising for myself.
Maybe it's juz my reflex reaction after knowing that he had dropped his college n I wouldn't be able to see him again.
Whn I asked him why, he honestly answered it.
I didn't expect him to answer it openly,I mean his reason was really personal!
And yeah,u can tell that I'm not that close to him.
Anyway,juz short this things out,
After cooling my head n my brain, suddenly I felt affraid of tomorrow.
I don't wanna go along with juz two of us!
It's really freakin' me out!!!
Thx God he allow me to ask my friend to come with us.
Did u wonder why I do that?
It's becoz he already had a GF.
I'll be damned if I get too close.
And honestly speaking,I'm not that interested in him.
He's pretty good looking, nice, likes all the stuff which I like too!
He's juz similar with me, a great companion to hanging out or juz talking with!
But yeah...I think I don't worth or treasure him that much.
Maybe it's juz bcoz I'm pretty desperately finding a new BF!
Gross!!! I'm not that shallow!!!
I do realize that I juz wanna get rid of my past..
Wanna cure my wound as faster as I could (coz i've spent a lot of time to uhmmm..regreting it)
I've sick of waiting, without knowing what exactly I'm waiting for.
Feels so empty without someone who can be admired.
Gezz....it's pretty complicated.
I don't want u to think that I still love 'taz'
Believe me,I hav nothing for him now!!!
He's juz useless guy (for me) which causes amount of pain!
But yeah...Maybe I juz feel little bit jealous (dunno with whom) or juz little bit lonely~~
So,that's it!!! Nothing else!
Huff! It's rare for me to feel like this.
There's a time when I thought I juz wanna be free from comitment.
It's sounds really nice!
The idea of being single....
Hag hag hag hag hag...
It's my first time I took back my words n gav two claims which against each other.
Juz really be a 'plin-plan' person for the first time...
Hheeeee.........
Cheers,